Caroline does Conference

This year I attended the big—huge—national conference held by RWA in Atlanta, GA. The first thing I have to say here is that I could not have gone if my husband, the greatest husband in the history of marriage, had not told me to go and have fun, he would take care of everything. For four days he took care of the kids, the pets, the house, and everything else (including taking our son shopping for a birthday present for one of his friends) so I could party with my friends, see my agent, and take an intense crash course in How To Be An Author— and on top of this he still worked long hours every day, because he is a corporate attorney, and doesn't really know what 'slacking off' is. So here's to my sweetheart for being himself!

7.26.069 AM Leave for the airport after dropping off the kids at their camp. Husband notices there are tears in my eyes. "When you're at home with them all the time, they drive you nuts," he points out. "I know," I whimper, "but they're my babies, and I miss them already."

12 PM Whoa—hold me back. Have found possibly the world's greatest career. The in-flight magazine has a column titled Spahound, written by a woman who goes around to spas, testing their massage, facials, mud baths, food, etc. Hmm… Hmmmmm…

3 PM There is a monster, vertigo-inducing escalator to get to the hotel, which turns out to be half casino style (the bottom half) and half leftover Star Wars set. This is the view up. Can't you just see strange little spacecraft zooming down? Maybe George Lucas gave them some old set drawings for inspiration?

4 PM Meet my roommates for the first time: Jackie (the tall and glamorous Amazon) and Lori (with her funky hoochie mama shoes). Not sure what a hoochie mama is, and afraid to find out.

4:30 PM Eat dinner at 4:30 in the afternoon because the big booksigning is at 5:30, with 500 romance authors in one enormous ballroom. The room is HUGE and deafeningly loud. I wander around in awe (most likely with my mouth hanging open unattractively), but am still too late to get a copy of Julia Quinn's latest book. Bummer.

7.27.068:30 AM This morning I have to moderate my friend Heidi Hermiller's workshop on an English Regency lady's dress. Important info—namely, the stuff I am supposed to read to fulfill my only real responsibilities—is missing, including Heidi's biography and the special code words for the audiotape. Run around frantically trying to get the second, and make something up on the fly for the first. Also, nearly bodyslam the dummy to the ground while trying to untangle the microphone cord. Those who buy the recordings will hear Heidi yelling "Don't lift! Don't lift!" That's directed at me. Did I mention this workshop is too early in the morning?

10 AM Attempt to go to Julia Quinn's workshop on dialogue, but it is stuffed to the fire exits by the time I arrive. A conference coordinator barricades the door with her own body and refuses to listen to all pleas for admittance (not from me, because I was too cool to beg. At the time). Big bummer.

Noon Meg Cabot is the luncheon speaker, and is very funny. It is clear to see why she's such a fantastic young adult writer. Also, Eve Silver gets busted for standing on her chair (and if she tries to say she got the idea from me, it's all lies. Nobody told me to get off my chair.).

2 PM The fabulous Kat Martin shares some of her wisdom with Sally MacKenzie, Teresa Bodwell, and me about publishing. She also points out that my name does not show up that well on my beautiful new cover. Hmm. Anxiety moment: what do you think?

3 PM Sally suggests we go swimming, since the afternoon is pretty free. Um, no thanks, Sally. I bore everyone with pictures of my kids instead. That will teach Sally to suggest we put on our swimsuits in front of all the publishing big shots.

6 PM Crash my first party this evening (not telling which one because I don't want to get in trouble). Note to self: agents can tell you the most hilarious and amazing things about publishing. Must hang out with more agents. Tables full of tasty desserts all around. Yum.

7:30 PM Crash my second party of the evening (again not named, to protect the guilty). Sadly, am too late for the desserts. Ditch the party and go look for the friends I stood up in order to crash, and we all go to the bar. I did eat plenty of dessert earlier, so might as well add some liquor.

7.28.069 AM Attend a workshop presented by two booksellers, Kathy Baker and Tina Trevaskis, and Sue Grimshaw, the bookbuyer for Borders stores. Having been a reader for many more years than a writer, I really ought to have some intuition about this, but no. I find myself writing notes like, "readers like bookmarks." Duh, Caroline.

10 AM Drop in to see Squawk Radio chicks. I want to look like Lisa Kleypas when I grow up. And have her sense of style. And oh yeah, be a bestselling author like her, too.

11 AM Make it to the Avon author signing just as Julia Quinn runs out of books again. Grr. Consider going to a local mall and buying the book, then bringing it back to get it signed. Consider laws against stalking, and decide to show some poise and restraint.

11:30 AM Get my picture taken with Eloisa James, which is very exciting. Thankfully, I already have all of Eloisa's books, and therefore don't need to hound her for anything (except this one photo).

12 PM OMG! I met Monica McCarty in the elevator. Who is Monica McCarty, you wonder? Her husband, Dave McCarty, played first base for the Red Sox the year they won the World Series! This is so cool! Not quite sure she expected me to jump up and down and shriek out loud, but she is very nice. She just sold some Scottish historicals, which will come out next summer. I call my husband immediately to tell him.

6 PM Dinner at PittyPat's Porch, which is tastefully decorated with photos of Clark Gable as Rhett Butler. There were other photos, too, but I cannot tell you what or who was in them. Then Irene Peterson, Sophia Johnson, and Pamela LaBud go back to the hotel in style—horse-drawn carriage style—while the rest of us walk off the Southern cooking.

9 PM Eve incites me to crash yet another party, but I resist the temptation. Also, the party is several blocks away, and after half a rack of barbeque ribs, that's just too far.

7.29.069 AM Wake up waaaaay too early, because Lori is a morning person (she did not reveal this fault until we were already rooming together). Attend Sabrina Jeffries's talk about print runs, sell-throughs, and bestseller lists, which is very good. She's a math person! Hurrah! I am not the only numbers geek here! I run after her to ask more questions. Rexanne Becnel comes up and joins us. I am so excited, I forget all about my camera and thus do not get my picture taken with either one of them.

12 PM Christina Dodd gives a marvelous speech at lunch. Best joke: A woman calls her doctor and says, "Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm." "What are you taking for that?" asks the doctor. "Pepper," she answers. Best quote: "A true friend stabs you in the front," by Oscar Wilde on jealousy.

2 PM Ann Christopher and Eve Silver give a workshop on using all five senses when writing. We also learn (from Ann) that we read romance to find out when the characters will have sex. Exactly, Ann.

4 PM Meet with my agent, Stephanie Kip Rostan, and share gossip. Steph is here to cheer on one of her clients who is a RITA finalist (sadly, it's not I).

6 PM Dinner at a local steakhouse, where Eve regales us with detailed descriptions of all the types of food poisoning one can get, how sick they will make you, how the germs grow, how people spread them to your food. If you want to diet, consider dining with Eve.

8 PM The RITA and Golden Heart ceremony, with everyone in fancy dress. We cheer really loudly for our friend, Pamela LaBud, who is a finalist in two catagories! Must watch Romancing the Stone.

10 PM Dessert reception after the ceremony, with flowing fountains of white and dark chocolate. I meet Annette Blair, Billie Jo from Romance Junkies, Heidi and her friend Heather, Teresa Medeiros, Sabrina Jeffries, and Rexanne Becnel. Sabrina lets me stroke Liz Carlyle's RITA for Best Long Historical Romance. Ah…someday… Everyone tells me touching the RITA is good luck, so we'll see.

12 AM Pack up all my stuff before going to sleep. It feels like I have been away from home for a week, and I have the dirty laundry to prove it.

7.30.0610 AM Breakfast with Eve Silver, Teresa Bodwell, and Michelle Buonfiglio of Romance: Buy the Book. Can't wait to see what stories Michelle posts on her blog, as she is the sort of person you just tell things, whether you meant to or not.

12 PM Make it through a long, slow train ride and an enormous security line at the Atlanta airport, and arrive at the gate just as the flight is boarding. Find my seat—in the very last row, conveniently next to the first aid kit and the toilets—and fall asleep.

Still no Julia Quinn book.

Lessons Learned at RWA National